Tears as a weapon?

I have been watching quite a fair bit of anime recently, but today I just finished a series that made me bawl my eyes out for the last few episodes. That anime is Kanon. I had read a review before watching the show, which commented on how the storyline picks up too slowly at the beginning but the ending was worth watching. Well, I certainly found it touching considering how many tears I managed to shed over it, but I don't think it's meant to be a tearjerker... I couldn't help myself. Anyway, it's good to be able to express your emotions, rather than keep it all in, isn't it? On the other hand, if i had been watching the anime with other people, there is no way I would let my emotions show... I don't know why either, but I guess I take it as a sign of displaying your weakness to people. I cannot keep track of the countless times in the cinemas that I have to pretend to adjust my specs and brush hair off my face when in actual fact I was wiping away tears. How silly is that?

I remember being quite a crybaby since I was young. But I stopped letting others see me cry ( not unless I can help it ) when once I was "accused" of using my tears as an emotional weapon, to make someone else feel bad. Of course, that wasn't true at that time, but if it had been, imagine how powerful I would be now if I could control my tears at will. I know that there are bound to be girls out there who do use such tactics to get what they want, for isn't it true that most guys will feel threatened and helpless by a girl who starts crying in front of them?

Having said that, it would almost seem like I'm guilty of that myself. But I haven't, for I don't see myself as having the guts to manipulate people. In my memory, there seems to be only just one time when my bursting into tears turned things to my advantage. And I've been teased about it too, about having gained a relationship through clever manipulation on my part. Now I really can't care less about what people might think on something that happened quite long ago. One thing I have learnt, is NOT to drink alcohol especially when you've got any unresolved unhappy issues... You never know what you might end up saying.